Spiritual Abuse
SPEAR-itch-you-ill ub-YUSE:
noun, 1) a religion that leaves you feeling discouraged and trapped. 2)
manipulation, done in the name of God and love, resulting in feeling torn,
shamed, and enraged.
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Double-binds are
the stock-in-trade of spiritual abusers. And they don't know they're doing
it. And they would deny it if you pointed it out.
An example of a double-bind is the mother who sends her college son a
blue shirt and a green shirt. He comes home for Thanksgiving wearing the
blue shirt. "The blue shirt?" Mom exclaims, "You didn't like the green
shirt?"
A double-bind is a no-win situation.
There are many wonderful Churches of Christ, but there are also some
dangerous Churches of Christ. One of the distinguishing factors between
the two is the classic double-bind (in the churches I grew up in) that one
can never be sure one is going to heaven. The tradition is that if you
believe that you are definitely going to heaven, then you must be arrogant
to think you are that good. It seems that many Churches of Christ feel
that if you are sure you are going to heaven, then you will get relaxed
about sinning because the only thing that keeps people from sinning is the
fear of hell.
The entire books of Romans and Hebrews
were written so that people would know they are completely and absolutely
forgiven, saved and going to heaven. The writers of the books of Romans
and Hebrews said forgiveness results in making us bold, courageous, and
strong enough to conquer the sins in our lives.
If one can never be sure one is going to heaven, there is no assurance, no
courage, no boldness before the throne of God in prayer, no
boldness in conquering Satan, no joy in being in the family of God, no
enjoyment in talking to God. God has been depicted as a capricious,
bad-tempered, angry, ignorant despot. Why would anyone want to pray to a
god like that? A god who double-binds you into a no-win situation. It
sounds more like Satan than Jesus.
Breaking out of this belief is extremely frightening for those who have
believed it for a long time. One person who left said, "Guilt was the only holy feeling."
The feeling of forgiveness is brand new and scary. "What if I'm wrong?
I'll go to hell!" they might think. That's why this support group is
needed.
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Judgment and
Criticism: In the exclusive, hard-line Church of Christ I was trained to criticize and
find fault. All other churches were wrong. Ask enough questions to
find the wrong doctrine and then zero in on their false doctrine. Ruin
every friendship and relationship. Criticism became automatic. Get
married and criticize and fault-find--it was a religious feeling, the
feeling of being self-righteous. They were wrong and I was right.
Lonely, but righteous. The criticizing came back to bite me in the
butt. I criticized myself, constantly, into the ground.
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Authoritarianism:
People who have left authoritarian churches often exhibit the same
symptoms as people who have grown up as
Adult Children of
Alcoholics.
The reason there are so many similarities is because authoritarian
churches encourage rigid black-and-white thinking. This produces a lack of
patience in its members. (This is not to say that there aren't also
problems in non-authoritarian churches as well, but they are of a
different sort. Authoritarian is very different from authoritative.)
 Authoritarians
encourage a feeling of oneness and unity that is wonderful at first. No
bickering, no fighting, everyone believes the same. Until you realize that
it is what M. Scott Peck calls
pseudocommunity.
If you think your church might be authoritarian, look at this checklist.
Authoritarians have:
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rigid categories of
thought,
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don't like disagreement,
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don't like batting around an unfamiliar idea,
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don't like negotiating,
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have stereotyped
attitudes toward race groups and political parties,
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are boot-lickers to those
above them in the hierarchy,
-
competitive with their
equals
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and often mean to those
lower on the hierarchy ladder.
-
They are typically very
obedient to authority,
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while at the same time very
suspicious of authority.
-
Huge
interest in Sex.
- Isolation: Members
of churches that believe they are the only ones who have the truth,
generally throw suspicion on other groups. I have been a member of
congregations whose main diet in sermons and Bible studies was how wrong
other churches were.
When encouraged to
evangelize, evangelism consisted of telling people from other churches how
wrong they were. This resulted in almost no outside friends. In fact
Barna Research has found that after 5
years of church attendance as a new convert, the average Christian (of any
stripe) has no non-Christian friends (but I can't find where I found that
research).
When someone leaves a
cult one has been converted to as a teenager, one gets one's family
back. When one leaves a sect one has been raised in, one loses
one's family. Thus the need for this website.
The apostle Peter was
showing a new person around heaven when he came across a sign that read
"Silence" and a door marked "No Entry". "What's in there?" the new person
whispered. "Oh, that's for the Church of Christ," Peter replied. "They think
they're the only ones here."
- The Bible: When
the Bible and "Church" have been used to instill so much guilt and criticism,
often people who leave don't want anything to do with churches, Bible
studies, prayer or even God.
We have heard
Jehovah's Witnesses condemned for
redefining biblical terms.
But what if the Bible
teaches something totally different to what the conservative hard-line Churches of
Christ believe? What if Bible words have been redefined in these Churches
of Christ to mean something they were never intended to mean?
If Jesus were
here he would hang out with the sinners and rebuke those Churches of Christ
the same way he rebuked the
Pharisees.
Reading the gospels can be an amazing experience for someone just coming out
of the Churches of Christ. Every time you come to the word "Pharisees"
replace it with the words
"Churches of Christ". Your heart may leap with recognition at Jesus' words
of rebuke.
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The entire books of Romans and Hebrews
were written so that people would know they are completely and absolutely
forgiven, saved and going to heaven.
"Guilt was the only holy feeling."
 See
also
The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping
Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church
(1991) by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen.
For a website on the Victim-Rescuer-Persecuter
Triangle
click here.
Authoritarians
encourage a feeling of oneness and unity that is wonderful at first. No
bickering, no fighting, everyone believes the same. Until you realize that
it is what M. Scott Peck calls
pseudocommunity.
When someone leaves a
cult one has been converted to as a teenager, one gets one's family
back. When one leaves a sect one has been raised in, one loses
one's family.
To talk to other people in
similar situations, go to our Bulletin Board.
What if Bible words have been redefined
in these Churches of Christ to mean something they were never intended to
mean?
Click here for a list of what we believe are
Unbiblical
Doctrines in the more conservative Churches of Christ.
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